Monthly Archives: March 2013

Hippos back end

How not to be shat on by hippopotami

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How not to be shat on by hippopotami.

How not to be shat on by hippopotami. Funny blog post and guide and personal experience.

This is more difficult than you would expect. First and foremost – avoid hippos.

If you cannot avoid them – avoid the back end of a hippo.

If you cannot avoid the back end, wear appropriate clothing and expect showers.

 

In my life I have shat on by hippos FIVE times.  This is unusual.   For the record I do not work in a zoo or live by a watering hole.  Each time I have been shat on I have forgotten both rule one, two and three.  How, you ask, could someone forget this after being shat on? I do not know. I suspect it’s because my brain is so traumatized by the experience it’s trying to repress it all.

Facts about hippo shit:

Hippos back end

Guide to the dangers of hippos

Hippos know you are behind them – water is a reflective surface.

How to remove hippo shit from clothes:  YOU CAN’T.

Here is a scientificky explanation of hippo’s poop activity

Changing room cartoon

This is why I hate clothes shopping

Changing room woes

I was once trapped in the Next changing room for an hour. I had become terribly stuck in shapewear two sizes too small for me and had to phone a friend to come and save me.  She had to brace herself against the wall to heave the blasted shapewear off and it still took the combined force of both of us to set me free.  I wonder what the women in the other changing rooms thought we were doing.